Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
