Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
