I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize