amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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