u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
