You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
