If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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