Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Buhtt sex?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
