We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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