Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
