at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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