I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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