Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
