the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
