they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize