I just cut my nipple shaving
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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