That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Randomize
