That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
