Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
