I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
