Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
