You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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