I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
