At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
