"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
