if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
