Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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