And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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