my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
