Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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