rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
