im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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