If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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