please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.