I murdered the dance floor call the cops
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
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I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
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They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?