its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now