Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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