I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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