i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
BRING THE BAGELS
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize