Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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