So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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