It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
