yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize