dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
