Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
