im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
