Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
