My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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