In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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