I wish my penis had an off switch
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
