Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
