Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Randomize
