Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
