He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
why is half of my head shaved?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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