i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
