matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
