Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
