Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
