roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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