Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
