have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
