The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
