"it" just moved
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Your penis caused this!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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