Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
