Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
