i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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